


Infallible

by PhoenixWillRise



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Atticus Lincoln is a Good Bro, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Levi just wants Nico to get better, M/M, Nico is still figuring things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 12:03:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18716686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixWillRise/pseuds/PhoenixWillRise
Summary: Levi continued stirring the soup gently so it wouldn't splash. "Look I know I'm not your favorite person right now. But I still care very much for you-"You're always my favorite person…”Levi bit his lip, quietly saying,"Lately it seems you want nothing to do with me.”





	Infallible

Nico jogged up the steps to his apartment, the past couple of days had felt like he was on autopilot. He tried to be as attentive as possible and practice his skills in lab at every moment of the day when he wasn’t with a patient. Because if he stopped and got too comfortable those thoughts would get into his brain and doubt would start to set into his bones.  

He'd also been having trouble sleeping worried that they wouldn't allow him back to work but Link seemed to get his things in order and was back to teaching him. He was more thorough and careful with his procedures. Not wanting to lose another life because of his arrogance.

He slowly felt like he was getting his rhythm back but he couldn't get Josh out of his head, or the distraught looking father. The disappointment.

Nico stumbled into his apartment throwing his satchel and jacket by the hooks on the wall. Stripping out of his clothes as he made his way to the bathroom, not caring if he left a trail of clothing in the hallway. He noticed being neat wasn’t such a big deal nowadays. It was as if he couldn't bring himself to care.  
  
Nico knew he needed a shower to wash off the sterile hospital smell off his body and fall into the warm embraces of sleep where he could not feel this overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety threatening to choke him.  
  
He pulled on some boxers and loose sweatpants before crawling into his unmade bed. The curtains were parted enough to show the sun beginning to set. It's warm,crimson rays of light illuminating the bedroom.

Nico reached for the card that Link had discreetly given to him during their lunch.

_Look if you don’t want to talk to one of us then maybe a therapist could help? You need to talk to someone, dude. I can see how much this is hurting you. Trust me this guy will help you._

He threw it back onto his bedside table. He leaned back against his pillow, placing his arm over his eyes. He  just needed time that's all. 

His heart was beating rapidly, as he attempted to take in a slow, calming  breath. His breathing hitched. His hands clenched the cool bed sheet beneath him.

The doctor felt the prickling sensation of tears in the corners of his eyes. Those thoughts were making their to the front of his brain. And he was helpless to stop them.

_No no no no you don't get to cry. You didn't lose anyone. No one you love died at the hands of some arrogant doctor._

_Your hands._

Nico shook his head, his slow breathing turning to gasping for air before they turned to body wracking sobs. He curled his body into a ball, crying into his folded arms desperately wishing for time to go back. Where he could stop his terrible mistake from ever happening.  
  
He must have fallen asleep for when he woke it was nighttime. Nico searched on his bedside table clumsily knocking his phone to the floor.  
  
The doctor gave a soft curse at the low battery symbol.  
  
He reached for his charging cable almost falling off the bed at the sudden sound of pans clattering in his kitchen. 

 _What the- w_ _as he being robbed? Seriously?!_

He hastily pulled a shirt on before  getting his old tennis racket he kept for instances like this.  
  
Nico padded quietly on his bare feet. Sighing at the familiar sight of brown curls he could see behind and open kitchen cabinet. He set the racket aside.  
  
"Levi? What- how did you get in here?"  
  
Levi was adding a spice to a simmering pot on the stove that was giving off a delicious aroma.  
  
Levi didn't even startle,"Link gave me your spare key when he tried to call you several times, he wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself.”  
  
Nico responded,"I'm an adult I can take care of myself.  
  
The curly haired man gave him a pointed stare, "Good to hear, Mister-I -only-have- expired -milk and some -protein- shakes, oh and what is that moss or kale?"

Levi had a point, Nico hadn't had the chance to go shopping for groceries preferring to eat a quick bite at his favorite health joint and sleep afterwards.

Levi continued stirring the soup gently so it wouldn't splash. "Look I know I'm not your favorite person right now. But I still care very much for you-  
  
"You're always my favorite person…”  
  
Levi bit his lip, quietly saying,"Lately it seems you want nothing to do with me. ”

There was a pause. The only sound was Levi turning off the stove and covering the finished soup with a lid. The shorter man turned to face Nico with his arms crossed defensively across his chest.

"Please please don't say things like that I just-I just need to think...”

Levi sighed, “Then talk to me. All this thinking you are doing probably deserves a listening ear. Don’t you think?”

Nico sighed deeply running his hands through his hair. He looked into Levi’s beautiful doe eyes waiting for him to speak. To finally talk to him.

He started,“I-I never ever thought of myself being capable of committing such a terrible mistake until that day. And it took that young man’s life to make me realize that it was incredibly arrogant to think myself in such a way. To believe I was this infallible person.”

Nico took a deep breath just wanting to get it all out, “I felt like I could do no wrong in a place  I felt so sure of myself. And then I end up taking a young person’s life. This is not one of those "oops I put sugar in the salt shakers" mistake its a "I killed a healthy man and there is no way to fix it" one. How do I come back from that? How do I talk to anyone about it? _God_ how do I talk to _you_ about this?”

Nico's eyes were tearful, his nose red. He could feel tears threatening to fall,  his voice trembling with each word he spoke.

“I can't sleep for more than a few hours because I keep going over and over about everything I did. I feel like I'm on some downward spiral...my job, the interview.”

Levi gasped as Nico got close to him, the closest he’d been since the incident.

Those strong, talented hands cupping his face as if it were some precious jewel. The bespectacled man sighed at the tender touch. He'd missed this.

“I’m screwing up this relationship.”

Levi frantically shook his head,“No you're not you’re just- you're just being very broody but it's fine. Really.”

Nico sniffled tears running down his handsome face. He stroked Levi’s cheek with his thumb.

“You're so sweet but I-I think I just need to process this mental state I'm in right now. Not rush it, or ignore it. And when I see you I want to be the old me and I get frustrated because I can’t be that person who thought he could do no wrong. It's not right of me treat you like that so maybe just to save you energy and tears because I can’t bear to see you cry or be in pain. Maybe-maybe we should take -”

Levi’s hands reached to cover Nico’s,his lips trembling before he took a deep breath, slowly releasing it.

He finished,“You want us to break up.”

Nico shook his head,“I want us both to have space. You deserve to flourish and grow as a doctor. And _I_ need to deal with this _my_ way. I don’t want to distract you.”

The Asian man's voice softened towards the end, bringing his arms to wrap themselves around his torso.

Levi slowly nodded,“I think I’m starting to understand. I want to fix things as fast as possible but this is something that is yours to fix. It's definitely good and healthy of you to take your time in processing and healing. I just wish it didn’t mean being apart.”

“We’re not going to be apart. I’ll still be there if you want to be taught by me or complain to me about life as an intern. You’re an amazing, intelligent doctor Levi. And what I said to you was not true. I was just being a prick to the one person who was just trying to help. I apologize for that. And thank you for the food, that was an incredibly kind thing of you to do.”

Levi gave him a soft smile, but he was sure it looked more like a grimace.

Levi nodded his head,“Even though I understand you wanting to go at this on your own. I want you to know that you don’t have to. I’m here. Whether to listen or lend a shoulder to. I love you Nico.”

Nico blinked back tears by putting a small smile on his face. He couldn’t help himself, he reached for Levi’s hand bringing his knuckles to his lips.

“I love you too.”

Levi bit his lip turning to face away before taking a shuddering breath. When he turned to face the Asian man,those big ,dark eyes took in Nico for a minute before walking toward the door.

He was putting his arms through the straps, mumbling,“Um well if you want to reheat that soup just reheat the amount you’re going to eat. Or it’ll get salty. See you Nico.”

Nico looked toward the stove, nodding before he heard a broken sob. When he turned to face the shorter man, he had an armful of Levi with his arms around his neck. Nico was stunned when he felt Levi’s soft pink lips kiss him with so much passion and desperation. Nico leaned back to look at the wonderful man before him. He returned the kiss with just as much fervor and possibly even more desperation. Just when he was losing himself into the passionate embrace, Levi pushed him away, a small smile on those kiss swollen lips.

Levi hitched his backpack on his shoulders before leaving the apartment.

The sound of the door closing echoed in the apartment, Nico bit his lip an internal battle raging inside of him, one part wanted to reach out and embrace Levi with all his heart. The other was telling him that he needed to fix whatever was clouding his head and it would be wrong of him to keep Levi in the lurch. If Levi found someone that was truly worthy of him, than Nico with a heavy heart would wish them the best.

Because Levi deserved the best.

He ate his meal with the television playing in the background. All the while staring at the small numbers on the therapist’s card Link had given him. As he washed his dish clean along with the rest of the dishes left by Levi he reached a decision.

He would contact the therapist first thing tomorrow morning. Like Levi said he didn’t have to do this alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Will Nico get better? Will Levi continue to gain confidence within himself ( I hope so) ? Will these two grow as characters and have their relationship strengthened? TBD! Thanks for reading!


End file.
